


Evanescent

by cecaniah, NoHappyEnding



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, NHE2017, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 18:41:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13664982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecaniah/pseuds/cecaniah, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoHappyEnding/pseuds/NoHappyEnding
Summary: Chanyeol was sure he was made for Baekhyun. Baekhyun wasn't so sure if their love was enough.orIn which Chanyeol is asexual and Baekhyun craves for sex.





	Evanescent

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** 2017-144  
>  **Pairing/Main character(s):** Chanyeol/Baekhyun  
>  **Word count:** 11,887  
>  **Rating:** R18  
>  **Warning(s):** Smut, Asexuality
> 
>  **Author’s Note:** Hi! First of all, I'm sorry if my work offends anyone, I tried my best and did a lot of research about asexuality, asked my asexual friends and read about it. The prologue is more detailed as I wanted to introduce them, and I decided to tell the story in a different style. I hope the prompter will be happy and pleased with it  <3

 

prologue.

 

 

The low sound of the bell announced a new customer, but Chanyeol was too busy to raise his eyes from the bright screen. It had been exactly two hours since he sat there, trying to understand what’s the problem with the page he designed. This shouldn’t be happening, not when he developed the whole website carefully, making sure there wouldn’t be any bug and that the window wouldn’t crash it alone. Perhaps if he had done this by himself, then he could trust fully in his own work, he could assure his boss that this was definitely not his fault. Obviously, being a mere employee, he did not enjoy this privilege, and he had to share his position with other three boys.

 

It was not like they were complete incompetents, no; they were just messy and they weren’t fond of details like he was, neither perfectionists. Sehun clearly did not enjoy spending four hours reviewing the codes he wrote, and Yixing used to encourage him by saying that if he did not commit any mistakes, then they wouldn’t need them working in the technical support as well. It was clever, Chanyeol had to admit, but he got genuinely annoyed every time he had to fix their errors, mostly when some of them could take days to be solved.

 

“Park, go answer the door.” A tired voice screamed from the other room, and Chanyeol knew that ignoring him would be worse, so he sighed, getting up. Did Kyungsoo not notice he was busy? Why did they have a receptionist, Chanyeol asked himself as he walked slowly, when he was never at his table? He made a mental note of talking to Minseok again, though he was aware of the effort he ought to make in order to explain to him why he couldn’t stop what he was doing just to receive a customer. The latter never understood, anyway.

 

There was a young boy standing there, and just by the way he was fidgeting in his spot Chanyeol could say he was rather insecure. His lips were chapped, his nails were short and the skin around them was raw, as though he used to bite it. The deep circles under his brown eyes revealed the tiredness of the male, but the sparkles of his orbs contrasted with it, giving some life to him. His skin was pale and flawless, and his hair was blonde, except for a black inch of the growing roots. He was also shorter than Chanyeol, and quite thinner too. He wore glasses, but it just added some charm to his features.

 

“Excuse me, you’re here for…?” Chanyeol asked, still analyzing him, and he knew he would be scolded later for it. He wasn’t hired for dealing with people, hence his social skills weren’t his highlight, what caused him to become almost awkward when talking to human beings.

 

“Do Kyungsoo is waiting for me, I have an interview with him.” He explained, his voice was low though soft and Chanyeol nodded.

 

“Come with me, I will take you to his office, Mr…?”

 

“Baekhyun. Byun Baekhyun.” The boy introduced himself, bowing respectfully, and Chanyeol motioned with his head, turning his back to him and starting to walk, hoping the other would follow him. Fortunately, Baekhyun did go after him, and the quick journey was silent, ending with another fast nod. Kyungsoo beckoned him to come inside and gently asked him to close the door.

 

The phone rang and Chanyeol got back to his table, picking it up. He glanced at Yixing when the lady started telling him that her account wasn’t working and that they should fix it as soon as possible, and he politely informed her that they were doing their best to get it back to normal.

 

“Really, I bet you changed something in the script just to piss me off,” Chanyeol muttered to him as he hung up, pouting as he saw his notebook ran out of battery and turned it off by itself. Yixing turned his chair to face him and he smiled, winking at him.

 

“I am just guaranteeing our jobs,” Yixing answered, whining as Chanyeol slapped him playfully.

 

“I need coffee,” Chanyeol complained, getting up and pressing the button, trying to turn his system on again. He went to the small kitchen, grabbing his cup and filling it with the hot liquid, wincing as he tasted its bitter flavor. He liked his coffee black, it helped him to stay awake, and he didn’t like sugar that much to use it indiscriminately. Fetching his phone into his pocket, he started to scroll down his notifications, replying to his messages and sighing at the hundreds comments and likes of his social networks.

 

Chanyeol, of all people, did not wish to be popular, neither did he understand the reason behind the thousands of followers he owned. Each picture he posted was flooded with sweet words, telling him how handsome he was and how attractive he was, which he kindly replied with a simple ‘thank you’. Honestly, Chanyeol did not think of himself as a sexy figure, though he did not disguise his face; he loved himself, his gentle features and his essence. Sehun, one of his best friends, used to say his fame was a waste, and Chanyeol didn’t disagree with it.

 

For him, being part of a select circle of friends was more than enough, and he didn’t have the necessity of sharing all his special moments with the internet. Yixing often told him that he should post more photos, that he should record his life online, but Chanyeol wasn’t keen on the idea of having his life as an open book to the world. He was very happy with the way he was, having a few friends that he could trust, a good job that paid him well and a lovely family that supported him. What else did one need to reach the true happiness? Chanyeol couldn’t think of anything more. Well, he would be glad if he didn’t have to rebuild the codes every time the system crashed, but he didn’t really bother with it.

 

Focused on his coffee, Chanyeol didn’t see them coming, only raising his eyes when Kyungsoo called his name. He smiled cordially when he saw Baekhyun, resting the cup on the wooden table, looking at him.

 

“Baekhyun is the new intern at this company. I would like you to help him in his daily duties and whatever he needs.” Kyungsoo said, direct as always, and Chanyeol nodded. He had been informed of this possibility, but the idea of him being kind of a mentor did not annoy him at all; he actually liked it, he wanted to share his knowledge with him. “This is Chanyeol, he might look like a scary giant but he is actually nice and he will help you with anything you might need. You can drop the formalities with him, you’re both the same age.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun greeted him, bowing again and Chanyeol did the same, not wanting to worsen the boy’s evident nervousness.

 

“Nice to meet you, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol repeated, and he gently rested a hand on his back, encouraging him to follow him. “I will show you around.”

 

Kyungsoo dismissed them with a quick nod, slowly walking back to his room, probably satisfied by Chanyeol’s social skills. Baekhyun looked like a pet, glancing around and pursing his lips as he talked to himself, as he tried to memorize all the details of the small company. His eyes laid on the Chinese boy, who was, for sure, fairly handsome, and he blushed immediately.

 

“That’s Yixing, he is stupid, but he is nice. You should be careful with him, he likes to play with people’s hearts.” Chanyeol joked, though he clearly failed as Baekhyun only tensed up more. Poor boy, it was his first day and he must feel like he was in a war zone. Yixing smirked at him, one of his lady’s killer smiles, and Chanyeol rolled his eyes, sighing. “This is Baekhyun, he will be working with us for a while.” He introduced him, and the smaller boy bowed quickly.

 

“If you stick up to Chanyeol, you will get a job here, certainly. He’s the boss’s favorite worker, so…” He trailed off, leaving the rest to Baekhyun’s imagination.

 

“He is also really popular, so you can get a girl pretty fast.” Sehun came closer, handing Yixing a bunch of papers. He introduced himself, and this time Baekhyun gave him a tiny smile. Perhaps it was because Sehun seemed younger and somehow childish, as though he was no menace to him, causing Baekhyun to feel as though he could trust him.

 

“What makes you think he doesn’t have a girlfriend?” Yixing retorted, looking at Sehun and then at the files. He narrowed his eyes, quickly skimming its contents, which consisted of an unfinished report that Yixing still had to review. “Unlike you, Sehun, he has a very cute face.”

 

“Oh God.” Chanyeol sighed, softly coaxing him back to their little tour. “You will get used to them.” He added, peering at Baekhyun and noticing he actually blushed at Yixing’s comment. The other only nodded in answer, probably flustered by the compliment. Chanyeol cleared his throat and stretched his arm, pointing to the brown-haired man. “That’s Minseok, our receptionist. Technically, he controls our schedules, but you just have to talk him and pay him a beer and he will be overly friendly with you.”

 

Baekhyun nodded again, and Chanyeol just laughed low, because it looked like he was never going to say anything. He finally got back to his table, and he found a comfortable chair so Baekhyun could sit beside him.

 

“I usually don’t share my table with anyone, but I’ll make an exception for you. You can bring your stuff tomorrow and organize it, as long as you don’t mess with my things.” Chanyeol spoke, glancing at his eyes. “The third drawer is always locked and it shall remain like this, as it contains very important documents. I know you’re still in college, so don’t worry about schedules too much, Kyungsoo knows your study is more important. If you need any help, don’t be afraid to ask me.” He finished and smiled warmly.

 

“So.” Baekhyun started, looking at the screen and frowning a bit. “What error are you facing?”

 

Oh, he wants to learn, Chanyeol thought, and that was quite adorable. It was rare these days to find interns who had this will to work, mostly when the salary wasn’t high. Chanyeol knew he received four times more than an intern, but he has graduated already, working for two years in this company.

 

“The pages are crashing itself,” Chanyeol said, holding the mouse and pressing the keys, opening the source code. “I can’t find the problem, do you want to try reading it?”

 

“Hm.” Baekhyun agreed, moving his hand to the keyboard and rolling the pages down. His eyes were moving, what meant that he was, indeed, reading the code. Chanyeol observed him, betting with himself about how long he was going to take, wondering whether his guesses would be ridiculous or if it would make sense. He didn’t expect he would know how to fix it, but he liked to watch his reasoning, the way he was going to approach the matter and try to solve it. A muffled laugh escaped from Baekhyun’s lips and he pointed at the screen. “It’s not a bug in the code, the Java version you used is not matching with the computer. Did you try to update it?”

 

Chanyeol glanced at him for a few moments, switching his attention to the screen and to the opened tabs. He opted by not answering the question and he just watched as the younger solved the problem. He felt stupid, but Baekhyun didn’t judge him for his silly mistake, and he praised Chanyeol’s work, telling him that he should be tired and that’s why he forgot something so elementary.

 

A mocking comment left Yixing’s lips, but Chanyeol didn’t mind him and he focused on teaching Baekhyun about what he should do daily. Since it was his first day, there was too many things and little time, and luckily Baekhyun didn’t have an appointment later. Chanyeol explained to him that Kyungsoo would like him to start working in the next week, so he needed to learn everything fast. Fortunately, Chanyeol found out that Baekhyun was a quick learner, and he made questions when he had any doubts. It optimized his job and, although they were the last ones to leave the office, Chanyeol managed to summarize most of the information he should know.

Everyone had left already and both Chanyeol and Baekhyun were still working hard; even Kyungsoo had gone home and they were there, drinking coffee and testing the web pages they fixed. It was usually boring when Chanyeol had to stay until that hour, but he had a company and it definitely made things more bearable. They didn’t talk much, and Baekhyun only decided to call it a day when it was already nine.

 

Chanyeol got up, yawning a bit and he grabbed his stuff, checking his phone and rolling his eyes at the exaggerated number of notifications. Baekhyun was apparently peeking at his screen and he looked at him, shocked.

 

“Woa, you have thirty thousand followers on Instagram?”

 

“Yep,” Chanyeol answered, smirking a bit and he shoved his phone into his pocket. “I used to have about one hundred thousand but I deleted my account.”

 

“Are you an idol?” Baekhyun asked, turning the computer off and Chanyeol chuckled.

 

“Yixing told me that I should put tags on my posts and that kind of attracted a lot of people? I don’t know why they like my pictures so much.” He said, fetching the key and locking the door as Baekhyun stepped out of the building.

 

“I have like, two hundred followers.” Baekhyun laughed. “We have to follow each other since we are working together now.”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Chanyeol said, smiling gently and he glanced at his watch. “It’s nine already, are you going to catch the train?” He asked, receiving a quick nod as an answer. “I’m going in Gangnam direction, do you want a ride?”

 

Although it looked like a very simple question, Baekhyun seemed to fight himself for a while, wondering whether should he accept it or not. Chanyeol assumed he wasn’t used to grabbing a ride with strangers, and he regretted asking since the poor boy looked confused.

 

“I can drop you at the train station if you prefer.” Chanyeol finally added and Baekhyun immediately nodded. They walked to the parking lot without talking, Baekhyun had his hands in his pockets and he seemed like he was analyzing what he should do. When they entered the car, Chanyeol peered at him through the rearview mirror, noticing that the latter was staring at the window. Despite his efforts to make him comfortable, sometimes it looked like Baekhyun would go into his own world and his gaze got lost for a few moments. Willing to end the awkward atmosphere, Chanyeol turned the music on. “What kind of music do you like?”

 

“Huh?” Baekhyun muttered, cocking his head to the side, and Chanyeol repeated what he said with a gentle smile. “Oh, I like ballad songs, but you can put whatever you want, I’m okay with it.”

“Mmm, I like it too.” He replied, finding his favorite radio station and he started to drive. Chanyeol was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, murmuring the songs low. Baekhyun looked at him from time to time, moving his lips as though he was singing too, though no sound came out. It was cute, and Chanyeol felt like it was wrong to find his shyness adorable, although he totally understood him. Chanyeol was an easy-going person, overly friendly, and he tried his best to be polite and make people feel good around him. It failed sometimes, and he was often misunderstood, as though he was romantically attracted to everyone. He really hoped this time Baekhyun wouldn’t see him like this and that they could be good coworkers.

 

Soon enough they arrived at the train station and Chanyeol gazed at Baekhyun, watching him as he took off his seatbelt.

 

“You sure you don’t want a ride home?” He asked, sighing as Baekhyun nodded with a soft smile.

 

“It’s okay. Thank you so much for today, Chanyeol, I hope I can learn a lot from you,” he answered, bowing for a few seconds.

 

“Get home safely, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol spoke, smiling and unlocking the doors. “Sleep well.”

 

“You too, Chanyeol. See you tomorrow.” Baekhyun said, leaving the car. Chanyeol sighed as he started to drive again. Perhaps in the next day, Baekhyun would be a bit more loose around him. He actually wished that Baekhyun could be good friends with him, Yixing and Sehun - well, he suspected Yixing would hit on him, but he would be okay even if they started dating.

 

It took an entire month until they exchanged their phone numbers, and Baekhyun only suggested it because he had a trouble in college and had to call Kyungsoo, who wasn’t quite happy in that day. Chanyeol started sending good morning stickers to Baekhyun as well, and he was even answering to it, using gif images of cute pets. Chanyeol teased Yixing because he found someone who liked these cheesy messages and he sent them every day to him. He liked Baekhyun’s photos, and he couldn’t understand the reason why the boy only had a few likes, not when he was adorable and beautiful. Chanyeol didn’t find himself that attractive to have so many followers, so he was surprised indeed that someone like Baekhyun wasn’t popular.

 

The last Friday of the month meant going to the bar with Yixing, Sehun, and Minseok, but Chanyeol felt a bit weird if he didn’t invite Baekhyun. He was turning the computers off and he was about to ask him out when Yixing came closer.

 

“Baek, what are you going to do today?” he asked and Baekhyun blushed faintly.

 

“Nothing, I guess.” He replied and Sehun smiled.

 

“We are going to a bar, do you want to come with us?” Sehun spoke excitedly and Baekhyun smiled a bit. He was closer to Sehun, he didn’t feel nervous around him and he nodded.

 

“Yeah, if it’s not a bother.”

 

“Of course it’s not, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol replied, smiling. “We will go in my car, I’m not drinking today.”

 

They all agreed and finished closing the office before they walked to Chanyeol’s car. Baekhyun sat in the back seat with Sehun, talking to him in a low voice, and Chanyeol peered at him from time to time as he was driving. He was glad he looked more comfortable now, almost as though he was friends with Sehun. Maybe their friendship was developing and they would become close someday.

 

Chanyeol parked the car, unlocking the doors and getting out. Yixing walked beside him, starting to talk to him about random things, and he sat in front of him in the bar so they could talk. He ordered some drinks and then teased Sehun about looking like a minor when they asked his ID.

 

“He will get worse when he is drunk,” Chanyeol told Baekhyun, who laughed and took a sip of his drink.

 

“We should take a picture as we are all still beautiful,” Sehun suggested and Chanyeol nodded, fetching his phone. He wrapped his arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder as he took a pic of them, and he posted it on his Instagram. “You will get some new followers, Baek,” Sehun said after he put his phone back in his pocket and Yixing chuckled.

 

“That’s right. If you ask, Chanyeol will even post more pics of you so the pretty girls can see you.”

 

“You two are the worse.” Chanyeol laughed, moving a little away from Baekhyun as their food came. “But you can ask me if you want it, Baekhyun, there is a lot of girls that want a pretty oppa like you.”

 

Baekhyun blushed deeply and Sehun smiled knowingly at him, grabbing some food with his fork. Yixing smirked at him and he started eating, changing the topic.

 

During the night, Chanyeol couldn’t help but notice that the more Baekhyun drank, the more he got open about everything. He was actually funny and he even whined when Sehun said he needed to go home. Yixing was flirting with a cute girl and he left them alone after a few hours.

 

“Chanyeol, why are you so popular?” Baekhyun asked randomly as he was scrolling down through the notifications. “Our picture has one thousand likes already!”

 

“Is that a bad thing?” He replied, laughing, and he rested his chin on his both hands, gazing at him. “I really don’t know how I got popular. People say I’m handsome, maybe that’s the reason.”

 

“Yeah, you are.” Baekhyun sighed, filling his cup with more beer.

 

“It surprises me you are not popular, actually.” Chanyeol blurted out. “You are beautiful too.”

 

“I’m not.” Baekhyun pouted a bit, drinking more. “A guy with glasses can’t be pretty.”

 

“Who said that?” Chanyeol asked, sipping his juice. Baekhyun shrugged and he realized in that moment that something was wrong. The way he always repeated those things, almost as though he was reassuring himself that he could not be attractive and beautiful. “Baekhyun, I think you should stop drinking.” He said a bit firmly as he watched that the other was asking for vodka. When Baekhyun didn’t stop, Chanyeol sighed and got up, paying the bill and he held Baekhyun’s hand. “Let’s get out of here.”

 

The shorter boy didn’t complain, once he wasn’t really thinking right. He was indeed starting to feel dizzy and his stomach was hurting, so he just let Chanyeol guide him, holding his wrist and going outside. Chanyeol looked at him and he rested his hand on his face, starting to blow him as he was too hot. He felt somehow responsible for Baekhyun and he made him sit down and drink more water.

 

“I can’t let you go home like this,” Chanyeol spoke, kneeling down and watching him. Baekhyun was still adorable and he wondered how could he truly believe that he was ugly. He wanted to talk more about that but Baekhyun was too lost and when he tried to pull him closer, Baekhyun hugged him. Immediately, he froze and he bit his lips, telling himself that it was okay. “Baek, let’s get up.”

 

“Don’t wanna,” Baekhyun mumbled, hugging his neck. “You’re so pretty Chanyeollie.”

 

“Oh god, Baekhyun, you’re drunk, please.” He said, managing to move away and he pulled him, making him get up. When Baekhyun tried to move closer, he held his wrists and just guided him to his own car. Baekhyun didn’t seem to bother that they weren’t going to his house, neither did he protest when Chanyeol carried him upstairs, reaching his own apartment. He never brought anyone besides his drunk friends, and he was sure that if his neighbor had seen him now they would speculate about who was this new boy. Not that he minded it, though.

 

Baekhyun was half asleep as Chanyeol dropped him on the couch, sighing. He covered him with a thick blanket and sat on the floor, watching him for a while. Baekhyun was sleeping deeply now, and Chanyeol gently checked his temperature, noticing that it was back to normal. His face was still red, but he knew it was due to the alcohol and that he would be fine soon. He smiled cutely, patting Baekhyun’s head before he got up, going to his own room.

 

Chanyeol didn’t know why but he had this feeling that he would get along with Baekhyun very well.

 

 

 

 

oneshot.

 

 

 

Being an asexual, Chanyeol never thought he could actually fall in love with someone.

 

Well, he found out he was wrong, and it was rather difficult in the beginning. Chanyeol had never felt sexual attraction for anyone, neither did he touch himself or watched porn, and for a very long time, he thought of himself as someone broken. It wasn’t like a beautiful story, in which one would come and “fix” him. It took him years on therapy until he learned to accept himself as he was, and he didn’t bother that he was twenty-three and he had never had sex before. Not that he didn’t try when he was younger, of course. He had kissed a few girls and boys, going to bed with one or two, but it always ended with him disinterested and not being able to get in the mood.

 

Therefore, as he grew closer to Baekhyun every day, he started to realize that something was, indeed, going on. His heart started beating faster as they talked, and he loved talking to him for hours, though they never talked about their past. Baekhyun was too sweet and kind, plus being a very cool friend, and he did his best to cheer everyone up when they were down. He wasn’t that shy anymore, although he went to Chanyeol’s house just a few times. He became best friends with Sehun, but Chanyeol wasn’t jealous or anything like that.

 

Love, for Chanyeol, was a pure feeling, which not everyone could make him feel. He loved all his friends and family dearly, but no one ever made him get butterflies in his stomach like Baekhyun did. It took one full year until he accepted that he loved him in the most genuine form. Love, for Chanyeol, was holding hands and talk about everything, was a partnership, a relationship full of trust and friendship. Maybe they could even kiss if they ever felt like doing so. Chanyeol felt like a puppy and he truly hoped Baekhyun would answer his feelings when he confessed. He did,

 

Dating Baekhyun was perfect. Chanyeol decided that kissing was okay, though he would always pull away when their kiss got too hot, and he was happy that way. They had been together for one year now, and Chanyeol filled his Instagram with pictures of them. Baekhyun gained a lot of followers, what made him a bit more confident and he even started to post some selfies. Chanyeol was blindly in love with Baekhyun, and he started to spend every possible minute with him. Baekhyun was his best friend, his boyfriend and the person he most admired. Sometimes Kyungsoo would get mad at them because he thought their relationship disturbed their work, but even him admitted that they were adorable together.

 

No matter how happy they were, though, Chanyeol had been preparing himself for that day to come. He wasn’t ready when it came.

 

They were kissing on the bed, except that this time Baekhyun was panting softly and his cheeks were reddish, his lips slightly parted as he gasped. Chanyeol was wearing the tight pants that Baekhyun found sexy and he let the smaller boy sit on his lap.

 

“Fuck.” Baekhyun moaned and Chanyeol froze for a second. Was he…? He opened his eyes, seeing that he was indeed hard, and he blushed deeply. Baekhyun never got horny with him and Chanyeol didn’t have the conversation with him yet. He didn’t want him to think that he was a freak like the world said he was. He couldn’t afford to lose Baekhyun, not because of this. Biting his lips, Chanyeol decided that maybe this could be okay too. Maybe, he could just keep kissing him and his boner would vanish. “I want you so hard.”

 

“Baby,” Chanyeol whispered, gently squeezing his waist so he would look at him. Baekhyun opened his eyes and the first thing he noticed was that Chanyeol wasn’t even hard. He bit his lips and then he started moving, rubbing his ass on his cock and Chanyeol gasped, holding his wrists. “Don’t.”

 

“What’s wrong?” Baekhyun asked, stopping when Chanyeol gripped his hips harder. “Are you saving yourself for someone special?”

 

“You’re my someone special,” Chanyeol answered, his voice quivering a bit.

 

“Then why not? It’s been one year, Chanyeol. I want you.” Baekhyun said, starting to kiss him again, but Chanyeol just moved away, shaking his head. Baekhyun seemed deeply hurt and Chanyeol felt like an idiot.

 

“Baek… Love… Love doesn't’ need sex.” He finally spoke, looking at Baekhyun’s eyes. Confusion replaced the hurt and Chanyeol gnawed on his lower lip as the other takes too long to answer.

 

“Do you think I’m disgusting or something? That’s why you don’t want to have sex with me?” Baekhyun inquired, and Chanyeol sighed.

 

“It’s not like that… I…” He buried his face in his hands, trying to find the correct words. Although he had imagined this scene several times in his mind, he never finished his speech and he did not know what he should say. “I’m asexual.” He blurted out instead, causing Baekhyun to get even more puzzled.

 

“You don’t do sex,” Baekhyun muttered after a whole minute, and he moved off his lap, fixing his clothes. “Never?”

 

“Never,” Chanyeol confessed, finally peering at him and he felt in pain as he saw Baekhyun’s eyes. It seemed like a nightmare because he was putting his shoes on and he started crying. “Baek, please, don’t go.”

 

“I need to think, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun sighed, moving closer and pecking his lips as he saw that he was getting desperate. “I’ll  be back soon.”

 

“Stay with me,” Chanyeol whispered, pulling Baekhyun closer and clinging to him as though his life depended on it. “I don’t want to lose you.”

 

“You won’t.” Baekhyun breathed out, running his fingers along the soft threads of Chanyeol’s hair. “Sex… is important for me, Chanyeol. We need to find a way.”

 

His therapist had alerted him, his friends had warned him, but Chanyeol still didn’t think he would ever hear these words. He couldn’t understand why sex was so important, not when they could just kiss and cling and love each other without having to do the gross stuff. Chanyeol believed that his love was stronger than sex and that Baekhyun would accept it without thinking twice, but he was now saying that he needed a time.

 

Perhaps he could try, Chanyeol thought, and he closed his eyes as he squeezed Baekhyun. He tried to imagine slide his cock inside Baekhyun’s ass, but it caused his stomach to get sick, and when he imagined the opposite he felt even worse. He remembered about oral sex and he just couldn’t do it, he didn’t want his mouth (or Baekhyun’s mouth) in their private parts. How could that actually feel good? He got repulsed by thinking of trying, and he didn’t want to be forced every single time.

 

“Can’t you… just use your hand?” Chanyeol suggested in a tiny voice, and he didn’t like the sarcastic laugh Baekhyun let escape from his pretty lips.

 

“No, Chanyeol, I can’t.” He spoke and sighed, not even trying to pull away because Chanyeol would just hug him again. “Look… how can you know you’re asexual if you never tried it before?”

 

“I… I get sick by thinking of it. I tried before but… I don’t like it.” He sniffled, and Baekhyun nodded quietly.

 

“You have to understand that this is very difficult for me too,” Baekhyun admitted. “You are too beautiful and I thought about having you, so many times… And just by thinking I can never have you…”

 

Chanyeol pulled away, holding his hands. He gazed into his eyes, breathing a bit heavily.

 

“You can. You will always have me, Baek… You know I am yours.”

 

“It’s different. People like you… I really don’t get it. Don’t you ever get hard?”

 

“I do, but I just ignore it. It goes away easily.” Chanyeol muttered and he caressed his skin, playing with his fingers.

 

“Maybe you should see a doctor, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun spoke and that was the last painful stroke in his heart. He hated that sentence so much, he had heard it his entire life, from every single person he told about his condition. He wasn’t expecting it from Baekhyun, the man he was in love, to have that sort of reaction, and a few tears escaped from his eyes.

 

“I’m healthy, Baek. I’ve been seeing a therapist for God knows how long… She says I’m perfectly fine.”

 

“How can you be…” Baekhyun didn’t stop those words and Chanyeol widened his eyes, this time being the one who moved away. How could he say something like that? Chanyeol was aware that most people didn’t know the fight, didn’t know the pain of recognizing himself as an asexual, but still, it didn’t make it less difficult to hear him say it. “Look. Just… Let’s think of something, ok?”

 

“I’m perfectly okay as I am, Baek, it’s you who has to think of something,” Chanyeol replied, not being able to hold his tongue. It hurt them both anyway, as they had tears in their eyes, and Chanyeol sighed, fetching his shoes and putting them on. He got up, taking a deep breath before he turned around, facing the door. “I’ll be back soon.”

 

Perhaps it was just his pride, but Chanyeol chose to leave before Baekhyun did. He needed to think as well, and he couldn’t hide the fact that he was indeed scared, even terrified, that he was going to screw up the only relationship he ever had. Chanyeol climbed the stairs, going to the rooftop, and he stared at the moon, breathing slowly and fighting the tears.

 

After hearing all those words before, so many times, Chanyeol had to struggle to highlight only his therapist’s phrases. He had learned that there was nothing wrong with him, but hearing it from the person he loved that he might be broken wounded him deeply. Chanyeol couldn’t understand why something like sex was so important, and the mere thought of losing Baekhyun because of it cut his heart deeply, almost as though it was bleeding.

 

They had promised they would fight for each other, in the day they confessed their feelings, but why such a stupid thing had threatened their love? Chanyeol didn’t want to break his promise, and he closed his eyes, wondering how he could solve this problem. If he didn’t want to let Baekhyun go, he would have to try and please him, to make him happy as he deserved to be. He knew Baekhyun had some troubles, though he didn’t know exactly why he was like he was. They probably should sit down and talk about everything so they could follow their relationship. Biting his lips, Chanyeol decided to go for a walk, and cool down a bit.

 

Chanyeol didn’t have much time alone though, because Baekhyun called him two hours later, asking him to go home. They weren’t living together, but Baekhyun stayed too long in Chanyeol’s apartment, and they got used to calling it home. His voice was cracking and he seemed like he had cried, so Chanyeol went back, worried about him.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Baekhyun whispered as soon as Chanyeol opened the door, squeezing him. “I love you… Don’t leave me”

 

“Do you still love me?” Chanyeol asked, hugging him and resting his chin on his hair. The smell fresh of shampoo made him feel comfortable and he felt like Baekhyun was made for him to hold.

 

“Of course I do, Yeol… It’s okay if you don’t want to have sex. You’re more important than that.” Baekhyun spoke and Chanyeol was sure that he had thought a lot about it. He might even have asked Sehun because the younger boy knew about Chanyeol’s sexuality and his fail attempts at having sex.

 

“Let’s… not think of it for now.” Chanyeol muttered, leaving a gentle caress on Baekhyun’s cheek.

 

They didn’t think of it, for a long while, in fact. For almost another year, they stopped every time their kiss got hot, and Chanyeol didn’t bother that sometimes Baekhyun had to go to the bathroom and spend a rather long time there. They were even more in love and Chanyeol felt complete (not that he felt incomplete before, but he felt better now). Baekhyun often said that he only needed him, and that made him incredibly happy.

 

It was their second anniversary and Chanyeol wanted to make something special. He had debated with himself a lot before he decided that he could do it, and he got a few tips from his friends. He set a romantic scene in their room, lighting a few scented candles and even preparing a delicious dinner. They started kissing right after they finished the first bottle of wine and the chicken he had made, and although they stumbled on the furniture, soon enough they were in Chanyeol’s room.

 

Kisses were okay, even the hottest ones, and Chanyeol ignored his thoughts that were saying that he was deceiving Baekhyun. Baekhyun sucked his tongue, caressing his nape and laying down on the bed, pulling him with him. Chanyeol kissed him for a long time, resting his hands on his waist, and he slowly dragged his lips to his chin, pressing it against the soft skin. He drew a line with his tongue as he went lower, marking his neck with his not so gentle kisses. It was still okay, Chanyeol told himself, and this time Baekhyun’s moan only encouraged him to move forward.

 

Opening his eyes, Chanyeol smirked as he saw the small red spots on Baekhyun’s impeccable skin. It contrasted with the pale color and Chanyeol felt as though he was drawing a masterpiece. Baekhyun needed more color here and there, and he calmly unbuttoned his shirt. The light brown nipples were just like Chanyeol’s, his flat abdomen and his cute belly button. Chanyeol liked that they were similar and he leaned down, sharing languid kisses before he started to paint his shoulders.

 

It was what Chanyeol told himself he was doing; pleasing the other boy and making him happy gave him colors. Chanyeol followed the line he had traced with his lips, drawing a map to his shoulders, sliding his tongue over it. Baekhyun’s muffled moans soon became the soundtrack of his artwork, an erotic symphony that filled the room. Not giving himself a moment to hesitate, Chanyeol reached Baekhyun’s nipples, taking one in his mouth and sucking it. Immediately, it ripped a moan from Baekhyun’s throat, what indicated that he really liked that. Chanyeol followed Yixing’s tips as he gently rubbed his nub with his free hand. It wasn’t being as difficult as he thought, but this wasn’t sex yet. Taking a deep breath, Chanyeol moved his mouth to his stomach, painting it with his saliva and his burning kisses. He peered at his pants, finding out that Baekhyun was hard, and he couldn’t help but feel anxious as he pulled the zipper down.

 

Unlikely Chanyeol had expected, Baekhyun showed no resistance. He thought the latter would try to stop him, that he would feel like Chanyeol was forcing himself to please him, but Baekhyun only bucked his hips so he could take his pants off. Chanyeol decided not to dwell on those thoughts and he just stared at Baekhyun’s cock. It was like his, a bit bigger maybe, but it was simply a cock. Chanyeol wanted to kiss his thighs as Yixing told him, but he definitely did not want his mouth close to that thing, and he only caressed them. It felt like an eternity, Chanyeol tried his best to recall the last time he had masturbated and he struggled not to feel sick as he finally touched Baekhyun’s cock.

 

He wrapped his hand around it, distracting himself with Baekhyun’s lips, occupying his mind with his passionate kisses and sinful moans. He thought about how he loved Baekhyun and how he wanted him to feel happy and to feel good, and maybe stroking him wouldn’t be that bad. It could be sort of an anniversary gift, something he could do once in a while. Baekhyun was being so good to him and he had accepted to live without sex, and Yixing said that he should try to please him too. A relationship needed both people’s effort, and Chanyeol was, in fact, doing his best to make Baekhyun feel good.

 

Speeding up a bit, Chanyeol started to like the sounds Baekhyun was making. They were enticing, and he ignored the fact that his hand was getting slippery as he kept going. Although Chanyeol liked his moans, he disgusted the wet sound of his cock and he did his best not to think of how disgusting cum was. Water would clean it, he kept telling himself silently, and he wanted him to orgasm. He had read online that the orgasm was the best sensation you could have, it felt like going to heaven, and Chanyeol obviously wanted his beloved one to feel it. Therefore, he didn’t stop, not even when he felt something wetting his hand.

 

Beautiful, that was the word that could better describe how Baekhyun looked at that exact moment. His hair was messy, covering his dark eyes, his cheeks were reddish and his lips were parted, the pretty moans easily escaped from them. His chest raised up and down quickly as he was panting, his eyes were closed and he gripped Chanyeol’s free hand, calling his name as he came. It did look like he went to heaven as he climaxed, and Chanyeol focused in that gorgeous view, ignoring the white cum that adorned his fingers.

 

Only after Baekhyun’s breath got normal again Chanyeol moved away to grab a wet wipe. He felt relieved as he finally got his hands clean, and he was absolutely going to take a long wash to make sure he was rid of all the possible fluids. Baekhyun pulled him for a kiss and Chanyeol was ready to cuddle when Baekhyun changed the positions. Chanyeol liked his lips way too much to refuse them and he let him kiss him, he let him drag his lips around his neck and shoulders, to take his shirt off and play with his body like he had done.

 

Obviously, Chanyeol didn’t get excited with it, and he wished his pants hid the nonexistent boner. Every time Baekhyun’s hand went lower, Chanyeol grabbed them and kissed them, whispering to him that it was okay and that he didn’t need to do anything. He was totally satisfied and he didn’t need or want anything else.

 

“Let me see you, please. I just want to see your body.” Baekhyun asked as they kissed and Chanyeol thought it was okay. Most of his high school had seen him naked as they showered together, and it was unfair to forbid his boyfriend to see him. He nodded, helping him take his pants off.

 

The facade of pain that reflexed on Baekhyun’s face hurt Chanyeol deeply. Baekhyun was clearly gazing at his flaccid cock, and he bit his lips, not wanting to ruin their night. He started kissing him harder instead, grinding against him, and Chanyeol tried to relax, to not think of Baekhyun’s intimacy touching him. He couldn’t, however, ignore the hand that touched his cock. Chanyeol didn’t even react as Baekhyun tried his best to turn him on, and all the dirty words he whispered in his ear had no effect on him. No, he didn’t want to feel his cock deeply buried in him, neither to feel his mouth sucking him.

 

Baekhyun wasn’t stupid, though, and he realized that Chanyeol was not interested in it. Most men and women he had slept with would get excited only with Baekhyun’s moans, but Chanyeol wasn’t even hard. He pulled away and found his clothes, dressing again. Chanyeol opened his eyes, silently thanking that Baekhyun stopped without him having to ask him to do so, and he dressed as well.

 

They laid down again and Chanyeol hugged Baekhyun’s slim body, looking at him. He smiled a bit as he kissed his chin.

 

“You really want to top, don’t you?” He muttered, caressing his waist.

 

“Yeah,” Baekhyun answered and smiled too, kissing him. “But I won’t force you. I am just… a bit frustrated, that’s all. It’s still weird for me to try my best to please a lover and get no response at all.”

 

“I understand,” Chanyeol spoke, pecking his lips. They shared a comfortable silence for a while before Chanyeol broke it. “Did you like it? It was supposed to be a surprise.”

 

“I did,” Baekhyun said, squeezing him a bit. “Thank you for that, I really enjoyed it. I hope we can do it more times.”

 

“Not often but yeah… we can. It’s not awful as I thought it would be.” Chanyeol confessed low and Baekhyun pouted cutely.

 

“The way you speak it looks like I’m awful and you disguise me.” He joked, playing with a loose thread of his shirt.

 

“Then I disguise everyone.” Chanyeol laughed low and kissed him. “Trust me, I wouldn’t have jerked you if I didn’t love you.”

 

Baekhyun got quiet after that, and Chanyeol was way too tired to try and keep the conversation up. Wishing good night, he fell asleep, holding Baekhyun tight.

 

The following months kept being perfect as always, though Baekhyun frequently asked for Chanyeol to please him. He only tried to top again a few times, and he gave up after that. Chanyeol told his therapist about how he was more comfortable with touching Baekhyun now, although he didn’t like when Baekhyun touched him. She said he shouldn’t force himself to do anything, and that he shouldn’t fall into Baekhyun’s tricks if he ever tried to lure him. Baekhyun was too good to do that, Chanyeol knew, and he never committed emotional blackmail with him. The latter had also searched more about asexuality and Chanyeol was proud of his boyfriend, who did his best to understand him fully.

 

It was a shock for Chanyeol when Baekhyun quit their company, but he said he had received a better position in another enterprise. Chanyeol was so used to having Baekhyun all day, every day, that he did feel weird as he emptied his table. Sehun got emotional and made Baekhyun promise that he would still go to the bar with them. They all knew that Baekhyun could make his own choices and that he indeed could know what was best for him, so they accepted it. Chanyeol had to control himself not to message him too many times though, and Kyungsoo even scolded him when he couldn’t focus at work.

 

Apparently, Baekhyun needed to work more hours in his new job, and he did his best to reply to  Chanyeol’s messages and keep him updated on what he was doing. They were together for three years and Chanyeol knew that half of his heart belonged to Baekhyun. He even bought him matching bracelets, which completed each other, as a metaphor for it. Baekhyun told him he was cute and he only took it off when he went shower. Also, because of their growing love, Baekhyun stopped asking Chanyeol to jerk him off frequently, and Chanyeol was sure that he was finally accepting his condition.

 

The only thing that annoyed Chanyeol was that Baekhyun was becoming a workaholic. He spent long hours at work and sometimes he had to cancel their appointments because of a sudden meeting. Chanyeol wasn’t selfish and stupid and he understood that Baekhyun had just graduated and he needed to do well in his new job. He still came home on the weekends, and he was happy.

 

It was the last Friday of the month, their day to go get wasted, and Baekhyun had to cancel it. They all understood it, and Yixing decided to change the schedule. He said he wanted to talk to Chanyeol because they really didn’t have time these days, and since Sehun went home instead, they went to a restaurant together.

 

“How is Baek?” Yixing asked as he started to eat, cutting a stiff piece of meat and munching it.

 

“He’s okay. He’s working hard but his salary is bigger now.” Chanyeol said proudly, sipping his water before he filled his spoon with soup.

 

Nodding, Yixing put more food in his mouth. “Do you miss him?”

 

“Of course.” Chanyeol laughed, making a satisfied noise as he felt the taste. He loved the food of this place.

 

“I saw him yesterday night,” Yixing spoke after a while, drinking his beer. “He has a new friend.”

 

It was odd, Chanyeol thought because he said he was working in the last night. Chanyeol shook his head, sending those thoughts away. Baekhyun worked hard and he deserved to hang out with his colleagues after a tired day at work.

 

“That’s good. You know he isn’t a very popular person. I’m happy he is making friends.” Chanyeol answered and Yixing gazed at him for a few seconds before he nodded. Chewing his food, Yixing didn’t stop looking at Chanyeol, who was happily eating and talking about how good this place was. He gripped on his chopsticks hard, and when he opened his mouth to speak, the waiter came. He thanked him and decided to try again.

 

“Is Baek still trying to top?”

 

It was a strange question but Yixing was a weird guy and Chanyeol always shared everything with him, so he did not see any reason not to answer it.

 

“He gave up already.” Chanyeol smiled, finishing his soup. “He is not even asking me to jerk him off anymore, I think he finally learned what asexual means. Plus he says that touching himself feels good too and he doesn’t want to bother me.”

 

Yixing’s eyes looked somehow sad at that, but he nodded nevertheless, finishing his meal. He kept glancing at Chanyeol, and he often told him how sweet he was. Chanyeol was his best friend for years, he was kind since the first day they met. From all people, he did not deserve to be hurt.

 

They shared a light conversation for the rest of the night, and Yixing seemed to try to distract Chanyeol from Baekhyun. He slapped his hand every time he fetched his phone to message him, and he said that it was their date and he shouldn’t worry about his boyfriend. Chanyeol joked about Yixing hitting on him and they even held hands as they walked. They hugged as Chanyeol drove him home and he wondered if Yixing was sad for he was acting like this.

 

When he entered his apartment, he remembered he had laundry to do. He sighed as he felt like just going to bed and he started to get the scattered clothes. He had to remember to scold Baekhyun as he found his jacket on his bed and he yawned, burying his hands in the pockets. There were money and some candy paper and he was glad that he always checked or he would have washed it. He saw a yellow paper and the curiosity was louder as he read the receipt. Baekhyun had bought two hamburgers at McDonald's, last week, at three of the morning. Poor baby, he should be so hungry, he thought as he made a mental note of telling Baekhyun to sleep more.

 

He went to bed after it, and he woke up with Baekhyun calling him, asking him to open the door. It was Saturday and he always came on Saturdays, so he was glad. He was sheerly surprised as Baekhyun looked like a wreck, as though he hadn’t slept at all last night, and he smelled like alcohol.

 

“Baby” He whined, hugging him. “I’m sorry, I went drinking after work but I forgot my apartment keys and had nowhere to go…”

 

“Are you okay?” He asked instead, pulling away to inspect him. Baekhyun nodded, though he flinched a bit as Chanyeol touched his lips. “You shouldn’t bite them, they get swollen like this.”

 

“Oh… Yeah.” Baekhyun breathed out and he smiled, entering his house.

 

Chanyeol didn’t make a fuss about him showing up like that, and he decided that they should just enjoy their weekend together. Baekhyun was still the same, laughing over Chanyeol’s stupid jokes, pouting when Chanyeol was mean to him, and clinging to him a lot. That day, however, seemed a bit different as Baekhyun was thoughtful and he got lost in thoughts several times, not paying attention to the movie they were watching. After they had dinner, Chanyeol pulled Baekhyun to his chest, holding him as they were laying on the bed.

 

“Yeol?” Baekhyun blurted out, and Chanyeol hummed low, caressing his stomach. “Do you think I’m attractive? Or did you fall in love with me because I’m nice?”

 

“I wouldn’t fall in love if you were just attractive or just nice, baby. It’s a mix of both things.” Chanyeol said softly.

 

“It’s stupid but… I don’t think you find me beautiful at all.” Baekhyun muttered, staring at the wall.

 

“Why would I lie to you, Baek?”

 

“To make me feel good. Just like when you jerk me off… to make me feel good.” Baekhyun said, his voice was quiet and he was speaking slowly, as though he was thinking as he spoke.

 

“Baekhyun, I wouldn’t jerk off if I didn't love you. I wouldn’t love you if I didn’t think you are the most beautiful person I know.” Chanyeol answered, choosing his words.

 

“If you think I’m attractive, you would at least get hard.”

 

Oh no, that talk again no, Chanyeol cursed in his mind, and he sighed, squeezing him.

 

“Do you bother so much with it, baby? With my body reaction? Can’t you just believe my words?” Chanyeol pointed out in a low tone, as like he was talking to a pet.

 

“Sorry,” Baekhyun whispered, moving a bit so he could look at him. “I’m not feeling very beautiful lately.”

 

“You’ve always felt like this, Baek,” Chanyeol spoke, caressing his face gently.

 

“Yeah… But it’s worse when I think too much.” Baekhyun sighed. “You know… people used to mock me at school for being ugly. I think I never got over it. I only felt like I was attractive when I fucked the hot girls and boys.”

 

He had never told him that, and Chanyeol knew that explained a lot. It should be hard for him to confess it and he made sure to comfort him, keeping him close.

 

“That’s why it’s so important for me,” Baekhyun concluded, biting his lower lip. “I need people’s approval to feel confident.”

 

“These people are superficial, Baek.” Chanyeol carefully said. “Liking someone for their body… isn’t special. It’s natural for your body to get excited when you see someone pretty. But do you know how much I love you? I never thought of kissing and touching and here we are now. Your body doesn’t matter for me because I love your heart.”

 

Although Chanyeol was trying to comfort him, Baekhyun got apparently sadder after it, and he said he wanted to sleep. Chanyeol wished he could read his thoughts because he was certainly confused now, and he decided to just sleep too.

 

The next morning, Baekhyun woke up early and made breakfast. It was rare for him to do things like this and Chanyeol knew he wanted to make up for him being so absent.

 

“I have to work more,” Baekhyun confessed after a while, and Chanyeol dropped his spoon at that.

 

“Baek, you can’t sacrifice your life for this job,” Chanyeol said, reaching for his hand. “I know you’re starting your career now, but you’re getting sick. You need to work less.”

 

“My boss asked me to work on Saturdays, I can’t refuse it.” He answered, not even grabbing Chanyeol’s hand back.

 

Chanyeol felt hurt by it and he bit his lip hard to avoid the tears. He hated how Baekhyun was working too much, and he wished he could stay by his side forever. Perhaps he should try to enter Baekhyun’s company, so they could work together. He couldn’t, however, disagree, since it was Baekhyun’s life and he sighed, nodding.

 

“Just… message me. And come here to sleep, don’t go out drinking. Eating two hamburgers at dawn isn’t healthy for you.” He spoke and Baekhyun widened his eyes, making him chuckle softly. “I was washing your clothes and I found the receipt. Baby, if you feel hungry you can come and I’ll make you good, healthy food.”

 

“Sorry, I just wanted to go and have some junk food,” Baekhyun muttered, looking down, and Chanyeol smiled as he was too adorable.

 

“Just take care Baek, you don’t want to have a stroke.” Chanyeol joked and Baekhyun nodded.

 

Saturdays got deadly boring without Baekhyun, and Chanyeol didn’t refrain himself from messaging a lot. He asked him if he was eating well if he was having fun and if he was doing a good work. Baekhyun still replied to every message, though he often disappeared for a few hours. Chanyeol knew it was due to his work at night and that he preferred to work until it was dawn.

 

 

Yixing had been meeting with him more frequently, although most of the times he just asked about Baekhyun. Chanyeol mocked him, saying he had a crush on his boyfriend, and Yixing laughed it off. Chanyeol knew Baekhyun was doing okay, and he learned to only see him on Sundays.

 

He wouldn’t say that their love got cold; their relationship was mature, and just like two adult people, they learned to live without each other. Chanyeol tried to make Baekhyun feel good and relaxed when they met, and Baekhyun stopped asking about his body. Chanyeol was happy that he had finally accepted that, despite being beautiful and handsome, Chanyeol loved him for what he was. Baekhyun was his everything and he knew he was his everything as well. They still wore the bracelets and Chanyeol felt complete.

 

It was a raining Sunday afternoon as Baekhyun fell asleep, and Chanyeol was watching him. His perfect features reminded him of an angel, and he had been taking more care of himself these days. When Chanyeol met him, he wore glasses and he let his roots grow, but he wore contact lenses and left his hair totally blond now. He was also taking care of his skin and dieting, though Chanyeol told him that he did not need to do these things. He smiled softly, stroking his lips and he noticed that Baekhyun was very tired as he slept deeply.

 

Baekhyun’s phone rang a few times and Chanyeol decided to answer it. They always did that and they trusted each other to do so. Baekhyun had, apparently, changed his ringtone, and Chanyeol found out it was ringing due to new messages. He was about to lock it and put it back to place when a few words jumped in the screen.

 

“Sweetie, when can we meet? I am thirsty for you.”

 

Chanyeol’s eyes got wide as he read the messages and he saw that this person was sex texting Baekhyun. His hands were trembling as he typed Baekhyun’s password, only to find out that he had changed it. He shouldn’t get desperate, he told himself, he just needed to ask Baekhyun to explain that to him. He shook his shoulder, waking him up.

 

“Baekhyun, what’s this?” He asked, handing him his phone, and although Baekhyun got shocked, he just put his phone aside.

 

“Sextexting. Everyone does it.” Baekhyun muttered, obviously still sleepy.

 

“Yeah, but they don’t do it when they are dating!” Chanyeol spoke, shaking him again.

 

“If they date an asexual guy, then yeah, they do it.”

 

He couldn't believe Baekhyun said that and turned around, going back to sleep. Chanyeol felt like all the air had been taken from his lungs and he couldn’t breathe at all. He felt like he had to leave him and he texted Yixing, asking to meet him.

 

“He is sextexting someone,” Chanyeol confessed as soon as they met, hiding his face in his hands and sighing. Yixing patted his back gently, and he did look as though he knew something. “Am I overreacting?”

 

“No, Yeollie.” Yixing sighed, looking at him.

 

“I know everyone does this,” Chanyeol whispered, trying to calm down. “He said he does it with someone else because I’m asexual… It’s a necessity, right?”

 

Although Yixing wanted to tell him that no, it wasn’t, he didn’t want to hurt Chanyeol. He had never seen the latter so happy before he met Baekhyun and he definitely didn’t want to ruin their relationship. Therefore, Yixing nodded.

 

“Keep an eye on him, Chanyeol. Sextexting is one thing, but if he’s cheati-”

 

“He would never do that.” Chanyeol cut him and he sat straight, looking at him. “It’s my fault, Xing. Normal people need sex.”

 

“Don’t talk as though you’re not normal,” Yixing muttered.

 

“It’s my fault anyway.” Chanyeol continued, gulping. “Sex is important for him.”

 

“Your love should be more important than that.”

 

“No, Xing, you can’t know it because you never deprived yourself of sex. Baekhyun is so good and he struggles to date with me even knowing he will never fuck me.”

 

Yixing bit his lips and he decided that he would only listen to him. Chanyeol couldn’t really think, not when he was blaming himself and trying to find an excuse for what was happening. He sent him back home, telling him not to talk to Baekhyun and just grab his things and come to his house for a few days.

 

When Chanyeol got back, however, Baekhyun was already up, his eyes were puffy and he looked like he had been crying. Chanyeol knew that he should be firm, that he should ask him about what he had done, but his heart got warm as soon as Baekhyun hugged him.

 

“Yeollie… I’m sorry” he cried. “I love only you.”

 

“Then why?” He whispered. “Why is sex so important?”

 

“It’s… a human necessity.” Baekhyun mumbled, squeezing him. “I need it.”

 

Chanyeol looked at him and he could see how miserable Baekhyun was. He probably was suffering too much, in his new job, in his stressed daily routine, and he couldn’t even get the sexual relief from his boyfriend. Baekhyun had accepted his love, had loved him too and had allowed him to enter his heart. He was perfect and Chanyeol felt like the worst person ever, forbidding him from having pleasure.

 

“Just… don’t leave me.” Chanyeol said, squeezing him. “Okay? I will fight for you to the end.”

 

“Okay.” Baekhyun finally spoke and he looked up, caressing his face. “Thank you… thank you.”

 

Ignoring the fact that Chanyeol didn’t really know why Baekhyun was thanking him, he kissed him, and his heart told him everything would be okay. If they were together, then they would be fine. They spent the day together, Baekhyun clung to him and hugged him, and Chanyeol even jerked him off. He should have noticed that he wasn’t asking for it and that something was wrong, but he was glad that they managed to kiss and say ‘I love you’.

 

It felt horrible that Chanyeol could only meet him in the next week, and it felt worse when Baekhyun’s time got lower. He wasn’t answering his messages right, but he had told him it was due to a few reports he had to sent. Chanyeol tried to cheer up for him, not pressuring him to talk to him like he usually did. They would see each other at Sunday, Chanyeol kept repeating that to himself, and it did soothe his heart.

 

It was Friday and he wanted to make a surprise to Baekhyun, to give him some strength. He never met him on weekdays, but he knew that the project Baekhyun was working on was important and that he was stressed because of it, so he decided to make him relax a bit. He had the address of his company, and he put his favorite clothes on, even applying a light makeup to his porcelain skin. He didn’t message him, he just took the bus to the company, smiling as he thought he would see him.

 

The building was big, adorned by giant glass windows everywhere, and Chanyeol looked up, calculating how high it was. He was proud of Baekhyun, who got into a large enterprise, and he knew that he would make a successful career there. The door was opened and the reception was empty, so he entered the place quickly. He decided to take the elevator, but he checked if it was going up or down and he sighed as he had to wait for it to go to the subterranean parking lot.

 

The doors opened and he saw a blonde hair, close to a brown-haired person. He widened his eyes and held the door, stepping out as the boy looked familiar.

 

Oh lord, how he wished he hadn’t seen that.

 

The smaller boy was holding the other’s shirt, pulling it as they kissed. It was different from everything, their kiss was hot and he could hear them panting from where he was standing. The taller one squeezed the blonde’s ass, whispering something against his lips. When they broke their kiss, he opened his eyes, looking ahead and meeting Chanyeol’s eyes. Chanyeol didn’t know him and he was about to leave when the other one turned around and faced him.

 

“Chan...Yeol.” The two syllables fell easily from his sinner's lips, and Baekhyun moved them again, trying to say something else, but no sound came out. The other boy shrugged and fixed his shirt, ruffling his own hair and leaving him. Soon enough they were alone and Chanyeol’s eyes were burning as the tears were threatening to fall.

 

“How long?” Chanyeol asked, squeezing the bag in his hands, and Baekhyun looked at him, getting teary as well. He walked closer slowly, getting annoyed as the other kept quiet. “For how long?!” He repeated in a louder voice, rubbing his eyes furiously as a tear escaped.

 

“It doesn’t matter…” Baekhyun said and he gasped as Chanyeol grabbed his shoulders, dropping his bag to the floor.

 

“I need to know” Chanyeol spoke, tightening the grip, and he shook him softly when he refused to speak. “Tell me, Baekhyun! For how long?!”

 

“Six months,” Baekhyun confessed, his lips were quivering and he bit them, as though he was trying to not cry.

 

“Why?” He asked next, sobbing pitifully as he kept holding him. “Why, Baekhyun? I gave you everything.”

 

He shook his head, taking a deep breath and gazing into his eyes, finally letting the tears come. “Not everything, Chanyeol.”

 

Chanyeol looked at him for some moments before he turned around, and part of him hoped he would come after him. His heart broke as he didn’t follow him, and he walked quickly to the exit, covering his face with his hands as he couldn’t hold his emotions back. That was it, Baekhyun had cheated him for sex, for the need of hot kisses and good fucks. He wondered if this guy actually meant anything to him because he left so easily that it was probably just a hookup. If it had been six months since he did it… then he probably had slept with other people.

 

As soon as he reached his home, Chanyeol turned his phone off, and he sat on the floor, hugging his legs as he cried. How could Baekhyun do that to him? Baekhyun, from all people, who knew his heart as an open book, who had a key to all his secrets, who shared with him all the pain and happiness he had. He kept sobbing and sobbing until his tears were burning and his throat felt raw, until he couldn’t breathe right. Finally, he felt emotionless, and he slowly got up, his body felt heavy and he couldn’t even think right. For a second, he thought about forgiving Baekhyun, but when he turned his phone on and didn’t see any message or call from him, he realized that he didn’t care.

 

Baekhyun didn’t fucking care whether he was suffering or not, maybe he was even satisfied that he got ridden of that burden. He probably knew that Chanyeol would come crawling to him and that he would beg for him to stay with him. Chanyeol considered doing it, but he decided that he would only give him a chance if he came after him.

 

How worthless was their relationship for Baekhyun to toss it to the thrash so easily? Chanyeol couldn’t help but think about it, about how far he had gone for him, about all the times he touched him, even when a little voice in his head told him he shouldn’t do it. He felt angry when he recalled the night he wondered if he should let him top, just to make him happy. Perhaps Baekhyun was pretending, though Chanyeol didn’t want to believe all his sweet words were nothing but sweet lies.

 

Baekhyun had cheated him for sex, he concluded. He didn’t blame him, though. For Baekhyun craved physical touch and physical reactions, which Chanyeol couldn’t fully provide. It hurt him that a hard cock was more important than his heart, but he could never give him that.

 

 

Maybe they were never made for each other in first place...

 

 

 

...and Baekhyun never came back to pick up his things.

 

 

 

 

epilogue

 

 

The soft fabric of the sofa Chanyeol was laying on caressed his skin and he closed his eyes as he finished recalling all those memories. Thinking about it now, he should have noticed when Baekhyun stopped caring, he should have picked all the small hints he left, he should have pressed Yixing to tell him the truth. His therapist told him that he shouldn’t dwell on the past, but how could he when his bed still felt empty?

 

Chanyeol also craved for answers, for he couldn’t understand the reason why Baekhyun didn’t beg for him to forgive him after he found out what happened. He wondered if their relationship was worn out enough for him to just give up and not fight for it. Baekhyun was always the first one to cry and apologize, therefore he didn’t know why he never contacted him again. He used to believe that Baekhyun loved him too much, and because of that, he decided to spare him from the pain that his acts inflicted on him. Baekhyun didn’t love himself, and Chanyeol knew now that he wasn’t ready for a relationship back then. He couldn’t stop himself from caring, though, nor from worrying about him.

 

“I still leave the door open,” Chanyeol confessed to her, sighing and tapping his fingers on his stomach. “I still wear our bracelet.”

 

“What are you waiting, Chanyeol?” She asked, writing in her notebook. “What do you want to happen? An apology? A kiss?”

 

“None of these things,” Chanyeol answered, cocking his head to face her. “Baekhyun has something that is mine. He still owns half of my heart,” Taking a deep breath, Chanyeol finally sat down, looking at her. “When your heart is the only thing you can offer to someone, how am I supposed to move on with just a half?”

 

For the first time, she didn’t have an answer.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Author’s Final Note:** Hello! Thank you for reading my work. English is not my mother tongue so I'm sorry for any mistakes. I decided to show only Chanyeol's side, and that's why Baekhyun's decision may look abrupt. That being said, I purposely rushed the final scenes as I wanted to show that everything happened too fast and everything fell down in only a few moments. Also, I wanted it to be a very open ending, though it's clearly not a happy one. Anyway, I would appreciate if you can write me a comment, if you could tell me what are your thoughts about this story. Thank you again for reading it!  <3


End file.
